Alone with my thoughts

I obtained one my brothers leather jackets. it's been sitting in his old room at my moms for a while now. I've been hesitant to take it. I always take my time building strength to use, or even take things that were his. I ventured to his room looking for Dagorhir things. And i saw his jacket. So i tried it on. It fits........hmm. Now, even as I type. i wear it. i dont want to take it off. It has a scent. a good scent. Not sure, but i hope it is his. kind of weird, to want to smell him. but it smells good. Hurts to hold back the tears. i know im not alone, i know im not the only one with these feelings. but i still feel alone.

Crying by yourself sucks

OK....first official post.

I went out to my parents house today. For the most part a normal thing.
While visiting my family, i started to read a book. Yes....me...reading a book? hmm. But ya, i read this book from front to back. this book was called "Heaven is for real". I dont have an exact decision on what to believe when it comes to religion. But this book was awesome. It's about a little boy who undergoes surgery and while under anesthesia, he visits heaven, Jesus, God, and old relatives he's never met before. All is narrated by his father. His son's first hand accounts of heaven and the "Almighty" are too accurate for a child, age 4. things he knows that no one told him. The kid even knows about the future war of Heaven against Hell.
Anyway, the book was great. And really pushes me to believe. I want  to believe. It's hard to believe tho. With all the religions of the world, which is the "right" one? I'm young and full of questions. And all will be answered through my life's journey, i'm sure.

I want to believe my brother is in heaven. Waiting for us. There is a part in this book where the kid says he say part of the future. The war against Satan and Hell. The child saw his dad fighting in the war. The ultimate battle of good vs evil. Me and my mom like to believe maybe God has plans for Josh in this battle. Maybe he needed Josh's great strategic ability.(proven many times while playing rome total war)

After reading this book, all i can do is think about him. I cried on the drive home. I'm trying to stay strong. This is the most ridiculously hard thing i've ever gone through. You may think im getting better, and yes i can talk about him without crying. but i am NOT better. i still have a lot of anger held inside of me. The only reason why i'm not a walking wreck, is because i know that wont solve anything. It wont bring my brother back.

MESSAGE FOR JOSH DUFORT IN HEAVEN............ I love you brother. and i cant wait to join you in heaven. and maybe fight beside you in the ultimate battle of good vs. evil!!!!!!

New to "Blogging"

Well here i am. Never done anything like this before, but a few of my friends are doing it....so why shouldn't i do it to?
 I wont use this to tell you about some great dish, at some expensive restaurant. But more for what i'm feeling at the moment. There is no major format. Just me typing away for a brief moment of my choosing. Yes, there will be spelling and grammar errors. But it doesn't really bother me. Take it as you will. enjoy....criticize....comment. You wont hurt me none. I try to be as genuine as i can.